In late February 2020, Rebecca Kennedy, a 39-year-old Columbia-trained psychologist and Manhattan mother of three, launched an Instagram account @drbeckygoodinside to complement her clinical practice.
“We are parents during the pandemic. One day a book will be written about us. Historian explains how difficult this time was for families and how our parents bravely coped day by day.” “I would,” Kennedy wrote.
At the time, she had around 200 followers. She now has over 1.3 million, in addition to pre-recorded courses on topics like food battles ($54) and tantrum relief ($95). A $276 yearly membership that gives Acolyte access to exclusive content. Her 20 employees to help manage her growing business. Her new book Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent you want to be (Harper Wave) is out tomorrow.
Some might see Kennedy’s advice, aka “Dr. Sip, give your own experience, and disagree with respect. Dr. Becky is the Dr. Spock of this parenting generation, with Ivy League credentials, great explosive power, and goop-colored words to soothe anxieties.
“We went from ‘can you fix what’s wrong with my child’ to ‘what is my child struggling with and what is my role in helping them?’ transition,” she wrote. “And hopefully, ‘What am I going to do with this situation?'”
The book begins with the assumption that all millennial parents are lacking a little bit.
“Put your hand on your heart and convey this important message: ‘I am here because I want to change,’” reads the first chapter. “I want to be the cornerstone of a family structure that transcends generations.”
How exactly does it come to a pivot point? First, Kennedy argues that demands must be dropped in favor of two-way communication. Instead of simply telling you to clean your room, he asks, “Will you clean now or will he clean up in two minutes?” If the Lego is still on the floor after two minutes, which is probably the case, the parent should say something like, “I know you’re very angry and you don’t want to clean up!” I need to check my feelings.
Ultimately, it’s expected that the child will do what you want, but Kennedy anticipates that tantrums can also follow. Should be greeted in the closet. If a child is having a major meltdown, Kennedy recommends taking them to a small space and sitting with them until they calm down. “It shows children that the emotional fire of a fire can’t burn down an entire house,” she wrote.
Mantra is recommended for both parents and children. At bedtime, the child may be told to repeat, “Mom is near, I am safe, my bed is comfortable.” Mom might tell herself. There are moments when children fall asleep. i can deal with this. Kennedy doesn’t suggest phrasing like “I have a bottle of Sancerre waiting,” but parents are free to customize it.
Never use the long-advocated timeout. Kennedy said it may work in the short term, but in the long term it can damage the trust and connection between parents and children.
Reena Patel, a licensed educational psychologist and board-certified behavior analyst in San Diego, does not dispute this opinion. “The acting kids are trying to communicate,” she said. “Research supports that punishments, including time-outs, are ineffective.”
But Angela Caldwell, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, agrees that parents who follow Dr. Becky might get frustrated at some point (and Lego is still on the floor).
“The advice you’re getting is good, but it’s the CliffsNotes version. What should take a few paragraphs to explain is [get] A few sentences,” she told the Post. “If your problem is small to medium, CliffsNotes might work. But if it gets bigger, you may need more help.”
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